Anyone who is looking to start dating needs to take a step back and understand who they are before they try to figure out who they want to date in the future.  While the old saying is true that opposites attract, if you do not know who you are, how can you know your opposite is?  Having said that, there are some things that are a given for Christian dating.  You know you want another Christian in your life because it is simply easier to for them to understand where you are coming from, but your personality is not just about your belief system.  It is about who you are a person in general, your likes and dislikes, your attitudes and your feelings.  The following are some tips to help you know your personality traits before dating:

Common Personality Traits

In order to help you learn your basic personality traits, it is important to look over a list and see which ones fit you more than others.  Do not be surprised to find that you have more than one trait because each individual is diverse and when you are looking for a partner, they will have more than one too.  It is up to you to decide which traits are the most important to you and how you handle someone who is different that you.  Some people enjoy the diversity that comes with being around people who are not like them while others tend to stick with people who they feel connected to because they do share the same traits.

  • Outgoing – This person does not have a problem talking to new people and making others feel welcome in social situations.  They are the first ones to make friends when put in a situation where they do not know anybody.  You can spot the outgoing person because they always seem to have a smile on their face for everyone and they flit like a butterfly from one group to the next.
  • Introvert – The introvert is the exact polar opposite of the outgoing personality because they do not like to start conversations.  These are the people who hang on the edge of the group and who do not join in many discussions.  Some would call them the wallflower but once the wallflower opens up, they can be great company and are more comfortable with people they know.
  • Dependable – There is always one person in your group who can be depended upon no matter what the issue is or how much you need them.  They are there for the little and big things and will drop everything when you call.  These are the dependable trait people and they are some of the most popular because they do go that extra mile.
  • Caregiver – This is the person who wants to take care of everyone in your social circle.  You know this person too, they always have chicken soup at the ready when you are sick or who comes to your aid when your tire is flat.  They simply cannot live their lives without offering a shoulder to cry on or a happy conversation when things are going well.
  • Happy Go Lucky – When you think of the happy go lucky person you have to think about the one who is always smiling, cracking jokes and making everyone in the room feel good.  It seems as though nothing bothers them and they sort of flit through life without a care.  Deep down, there may be some problems but they would never let you know that and they keep their troubles to their self.
  •  Deep Thinker – The deep thinker can be mistaken for the introvert but they are not shy, they would rather think things through before making a decision.  They never speak out until they have had the time to ponder the issue in order to give a full accounting of what they believe.  They can be quick witted, however, they choose their words carefully and never rush to conclusions.

What These Personality Traits Mean for Christian Singles

You may have noticed that there is a lack of negative traits that were listed.  That is because the traits you want to emphasize and work on are the positive ones.  You do not want to fall into any negative trait patterns and you certainly do not want date anyone with them.  If you think of the opposite of the above traits, such as the opposite of the caregiver, this person would be a user and who wants to be used for any reason?  A good Christian strives to be the best person that they can be and any of the above traits are good ones to have.

What Traits to Look for in a Date

  • Optimism – The first thing that makes a good date is one who is optimistic and who looks at the bright side of life.  This does not mean they need to have a Pollyanna personality or that they should have their head in the sand.  But you want someone who can look at a difficult situation and find a way to make it a positive rather than dwelling on the negative.  There is nothing in life that cannot be gone through with a positive spouse and God by your side.
  • Sound Mental Attitude – There are many people out there who have mental issues but this is not the same thing as an attitude.  The attitude is how they deal with the little things in life and can be similar to being optimistic.  While they may not always be happy about the problems, they tackle them head on and get them out of the way.  They do not wallow in self pity nor do they make others feel to blame for their problems.
  • Give and Take – You do not want to be with someone who is a taker.  A good potential spouse wants to share with you and gives as much as they take.  Also, you do not want someone who is just giving all the time because this can leave you feeling like you always owe them something.  Find someone who can share this middle ground with you and you will not be disappointed in the results.
  • Thoughtful and Considerate – Finally, you really want someone who is thoughtful and considerate of not just you but everyone in their life.  This person lives by the “do unto others” rule and they do it well.  You will never be let down by a person who has this trait because they will not be happy if you are not happy.

While dating today can be difficult for any Christian, if you seek out the people who offer you the above traits, or at least a preponderance of them, then you know they are a good person.  It is sad to say but not all Christians are good or Godly people.  Many people put up a good front in church but have a completely different style of life when they are at home.  You can spot these people after just one date and if you find yourself with one, do not accept another date with them.  There are plenty of good people in the in world to choose from and you will find the perfect one for you.

Sometimes people get the wrong idea about Christian dating. Even many Christians fall into the myths that surround dating among the Christian faith. There are many misconceptions about faith and the attitudes we are supposed to have towards others. Our attitudes towards dating can even influence the types of dates we get and the fun we have with them. If you believe in Christian myths about dating, you might be creating an atmosphere around your dates that is not what you want.

Let’s take a look at these myths and uncover the truth about Christian dating:

The Good Ones Are Taken Already

As we begin to get older and still without a mate, we sometimes begin to feel as though we are all alone in the world. This can lead us to think that we are somehow going to miss out on having a great mate that can share in our walk with the Lord. The truth is, God can bring us anyone at any time. You can rest assured that there is someone out there that is fantastic just like you. You simply have to be willing to strike out into the dating world with convictions about what you want for yourself. The good ones are not already taken. Some people are very careful about who they date and are waiting on the perfect situation. They might be waiting for you!

God Doesn’t Want Me to Find a Mate

The Bible is very clear about wanting us to find a mate. He created Eve for the purpose of giving Adam a mate and creating a planet full of people. If He wanted us to be alone He would have made it so from the beginning and spelled it out in His word. God wants you to live a life that is full of happiness and sharing. Growing close to God alongside a mate that shares your convictions is the greatest feeling in the world, and well worth searching for.

God Will Bring My Special Person to Me

Like most things in life, God allows us to search. If we are willing to seek someone special, then God will certainly help make that possible. He is not going to simply knock down the door with a million mates that all believe as you do. You have to get out there and fellowship! Spend some time getting to know some potential singles and learn about what they have to offer. You might be shocked at how many people fit you once you start looking around.

Christians Can’t Have Fun

Of all the silly Christian myths that are out there, this one always makes me laugh the hardest. Christians can do anything that non-Christians can. They simply choose to do things that are not sinful. It is a pleasure to live this type of lifestyle for Christians and that is something that most can’t relate to. It is not a slavery thing or a feeling of loss. It is actually quite the opposite.

Being a Christian and dating is actually the very definition of fun. Many Christians go to the movies, bowling, picnics, sporting events, dances and various other forms of fun. While some denominations are stricter with their standards than others, they are doing what they are convicted to do. When God convicts a Christian to do something, they are happy to respond with obedience. It is not something that takes away fun at all. It creates fun on a whole new level. Sharing that with a new partner only doubles that fun.

Dating Online is Somehow Wrong or Unfit for a Christian

There was a time when dating online was a problem for Christians. The odds were quite high that you would end up with potential dates that were not of the same beliefs. A Christian often puts their belief in God first, making it very difficult to have a successful partnership with someone that does not believe. For this reason, dating online got a bad name in the church. Over time, however, online dating has changed. Now, you can literally go to online dating websites that are specifically made for Christians of many different denominations. If you want to find someone that believes, it is very easy. Signing up for these online dating sites is rather easy, and you can certainly find likeminded believers much easier now. It is no substitute for church, but it is wonderful to enhance your dating life.

God is Angry with me and that is why I am Alone

While God certainly wants certain behaviors from us, he is not punishing you with a lifetime of being alone. That goes against virtually everything I have ever read in the Bible. God wants us to be together and to celebrate His glory as a group. That is what church, marriage and fellowship are supposed to be all about. Forcing you to a lifetime of being alone is not something that God would seem to want. It is not in the Bible, and that is clear enough for me.

Singles Groups at Church are Boring

Singles groups at church can be boring, so that is not always a myth. The truth is, anywhere can be boring if you let it be. The truth is, singles groups at church can also be exciting, fun, entertaining, spiritually elevating and fruitful in every way. It really depends on who is attending and the attitudes contained within the group. If you want to enjoy a singles group in church but it is boring and uneventful, then take a moment to come up with some ideas on how to make it better. Church groups need some excitement too, so be the change you are wanting to see.

My Past Sins Prevent Me From Being With a True Christian

This is probably the primary problem for many folks wanting to date a Christian. First of all, true Christians are far from perfect. All of them have sinned just like you and they would be headed for a very bad eternity if not for Jesus Christ. That being said, you should never feel as though your past sins (or your present sins) are too heavy for the Lord. God can cleanse it all away no matter what it is. You have to be willing to ask for forgiveness, accept that forgiveness and walk with God from now own. That walk would include fellowship with other believers. Your partner being a Christian only enhances your odds of being closer to God and it certainly does not preclude you from any earthly relationships.

These are far from the only Christian dating myths that are out there, but they certainly are the most prevalent. As you might notice, a large majority of them are laced with our own guilt and projections. The truth is, God knows we are fragile and flawed and made provisions to fix all of that. We simply need to be willing to accept that and join in fellowship with others that agree. This means dating other Christians as well and it can take a lot of the sting out of trying to find a mate. Others that are seeking the same will be drawn to you like a moth to a light. You simply have to be willing to fly out there and seek.

Christian dating is a little different from the dating rituals that go on between non-Christians but that does not mean that it cannot be fun and exciting. When you learn and apply what the bible says about Christian dating to your life, it can make it easier to find the perfect match. As a result, you can enjoy each other’s company and have a great time when dating.

It is important to know that the Bible does not give specific rules about dating because the act of dating was not around during biblical times. However, scriptures are available that will help you know what type of people you should be dating and which ones it would be best to avoid.

Christian dating can be a little more complicated because you need to be careful who you date and follow certain steps to avoid getting ahead of yourself. Dating often leads to marriage, which is a lifelong commitment so you want to make sure you choose to date the right type of people.

Why Dating a Nonbeliever Is a Bad Idea

Many people date just to have companionship and they don’t see the problem with dating someone who is a nonbeliever. However, in many cases, you end up marrying the person you’re dating. If you want companionship, seek out friends not someone to date. However, even then, it would be wise to form friendships with other Christians.

2 Corinthians 6:15 says, “Do not be bound together with unbelievers; for what partnership have righteousness and lawlessness, or what fellowship has light with darkness? Or what harmony has Christ with Belial, or what has a believer in common with an unbeliever?”

What this scripture is saying is that you don’t have anything in common with an unbeliever. They may want to do things that are against the church or your beliefs. Why put yourself in this type of position? It will make it much harder to stay true to your beliefs when you’re hanging out with nonbelievers.

You Can’t Change People

One mistake that a lot of Christians make is thinking that they can change someone into believing the way they do. While this is a nice thought, it doesn’t always work that way. In fact, more often than not, they will end up changing you. 1 Corinthians 15:33 B says “Do not be deceived: “Bad company corrupts good morals.” You may mean well and believe that you can change people but it’s not as easy as you think.

Before a person can change, they have to want to. There is nothing you can say or do to convince another person to make changes they don’t want to make. What’s even worse is that many people will pretend to change to make you happy but eventually the act will fade. If you’ve already made the commitment of marriage before you find out it was an act, it’s too late.

There are situations where a Christian dating a non-Christian can convert them to Christianity and help teach them the Bible. In this case, your relationship can end in a happy marriage but the odds are against you. Therefore, if you do choose to pursue this type of relationship, be very careful.

Christian Dating Ethics

Turn to the Bible for Christian dating ethics. When dating, you want to do the things that glorify God, not things that go against his word. Corinthians 10:31 says, “So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.” This would apply to dating as well as other aspects of your life.

For this reason, you must be careful who you date. If you are going out with someone that wants you to go to a bar or to engage in premarital sex, you’re going to run into problems. These are things that some believe go against God’s word and the things that you should avoid as a Christian.

Christian Dating Tips

In many cases, you may not know enough about the person before you start dating to know if they are a Christian or not. Being a Christian means different things to different people and they may believe differently from you. However, after a few dates, you’ll begin to get to know each other better and you’ll begin to see what they are really like. If at any time you see that you do have different beliefs and that the relationship is not going to work, it’s best to go ahead stop dating sooner rather than later.

Keep your first few dates simple and public. Going to church functions and out to dinner are great ways to spend your first few dates. If the person you’re dating does not want to go to these functions or services with you or if they push to have dates that are more private right at first, this is a red flag.

Don’t make any commitments before you get to know someone well. Hasty decisions can lead to serious problems later. Take time to go through the stages of Christian dating and find out if the person you’re going out with has the same beliefs that you do and what they want for the future. Always put glorifying God first and pray for guidance and this will help you make better decisions about the people you date. It will also help you find your true soul mate.